The Cock Column - "Am I Cheating?"

Another question by email...

"I'm 38, married, and always lived a happy straight life.
I had a few experiences when I was about 16 or 17, but don't we all? It was only wanking with a mate while we were watching porn, and it was only a handful of times.


After that I never really gave it any thought. I like watching guys in porn, and I can really get off on a well hung bloke pounding some pussy and then shooting his load. But I'd never really call myself even bisexual.


My problem is that I'm now in one of those friendships again, but I'm married. I love my wife very much, and our sex life is fantastic.
A few months ago I offered to help a guy on our football team move house. He recently split from his girfriend and had to move out short notice. So I offered use of my van.


We moved his stuff and at the end of the day I stuck around in the new flat to help him set up his tech. So when we were done we were testing it all out and he put a porno on.
I don't see a whole lot of porno, with the Mrs and the kids around all the time it's not to easy.
So we had a few pints and one thing led to another and before I knew it we were both sat there on his sofa with our dicks out wanking away!


I have to admit it was great, and I thought of my mate when I was a teen and wondered why I'd stopped doing this with mates.


We've done it every week since that first night, and since our last meet we swap hands too. It really does feel good to hold his thick dick in my hand, and to have him stroking mine.
Like I said, I love my wife and would never leave her. But there's something really comfortable about doing this with my mate and I don't want to stop it.


So what do you think, is it cheating? Should I stop? Should I tell her?"


This is actually quite a common dilemma amongst mutual male strokers who happen to be straight.

And, in al honesty, there is no real answer that could cover every relationship. It's all down to the limits of your relationships and whether you think it is cheating, whether you think she'd be upset, or whether you think she'd understand.
In reality, if she's an intelligent woman, she'll understand you both wanking together to porn and not be particularly worried. Swapping hands may be different though. Most women would see this as a step too far and a question of sexuality. We know it might be a fetish thing and doesn't actually mean you're gay or bi, but most people can't get their heads around this.

Ultimately it is your decision. If you know she'd be upset by something you are doing with another person, then theoretically it is cheating. But if you view it as just two guys being mates and sharing a hobby, then maybe there's no reason to discuss it with her at all. I mean, it's not like you're going to run off with the guy and have a civil ceremony!
It's just two blokes doing together something that they would normally do in private. But again, if you are concerned perhaps you need to lay off the swapping of hands until you're either able to confront the Mrs and explain your friendship, or come to some conclusion in your own mind about what is acceptable in a marriage.

No one else can give you permission to continue this friendship. You have to make the decisions here and decide what is right for you and her. All I can do is suggest what I think, and I don't think it's something you need to trouble her with.
I may be right, I may be wrong, but two straight guys sharing a wank is not something that really needs discussing with a female partner, IMO. Swapping hands... that's your call.

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The Cock Column - "Running out of Ideas!"

An interesting post I found on a forum...

"I'm straight and I have a straight wanking buddy.


We've been wanking together for about two years. And it's great!
About once a week we meet up either at his place or mine, have a few beers, watch a film and then switch to porn after and have a great wanking session.
We do all sorts of crap and it can last for hours.


We have contests every week.


One of the best ones we've done a few times is to try and make the other cum so hard he hits himself in the face. I usually win this because Craig shoots really hard. All I need to do is stroke his dick for about half an hour and then focus on rubbing right on the underside of his helmet with just my thumb. 
Then I just aim his cock at his face and after a few minutes he squirts. 
I love this contest because he has to try harder to make me shoot that far. And that usually means he spends ages stroking my dick for me.
We do the usual shooting contests, trying to cum just from rubbing our dicks together, delaying cumming for as long as possible... The usual stuff I guess.


But we're running out of ideas now.
We have a rule that we only handle the other guys dick. We don't suck, we don't fuck and we don't kiss or anything like that. It's all about the dick and cumming. But, having done the self-facial contests and each of us tasting cum a few times now I think we could stretch to more cum shot fun.


We're not getting bored, far from it! But I just want to try to find some other contests!"

Interesting. I never really considered how many games there are to play!

I've done the cum contests, and the edging contests, and I usually loose! But how about adding some toys? You can do a lot of the same games with just a little variation and include a fleshlight or fleshjack, or a regular wanking sleeve.
How about adding dares? Maybe you can dare each other to wank at work and send the other a video message. Or how about an abstinence contest to see who can cum the largest after a week of no wanking?

There really is a lot you can do, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to take a while to think about this more (such a hard life eh?)
Keep an eye out for an update, this could take me a couple of days but I think I could come up with a whole list of games...

Oh, and check out the B8M8 Network, I'll add a page of games and dares to that too as soon as I have something considerable to put up.

Update - The Cock Column - "Shower Erections"

Sent by email

This is an update to The Cock Column - "Shower Erections" in which a guy requested advice about his colleague.

"Thank for your advice. I wanted to update you on what happened recently.

I wasn't really sure what I wanted until you said it for me. I guess I was looking for a bloke to wank with. I'd never really thought about it too much, but I knew I love to watch porn of guys wanking and obviously I was searching for that when I found your blog.
I took your advice and yesterday I took one of my old porn mags into work with me. My heart was pounding all day!
When everyone had left and it was just me and Steve left he mentioned something about picking his girfriend up from work so I thought that would be a missed opportunity. Thankfully he changed his mind.


I put the porn mag on oine of the benches in the locker room, just a few feet down from where we usually get changed after our work out and went back to the gym to find Steve. We had our work out as usual and headed for the lockers.
In all honesty I was expecting Steve to just notice the mag, say it was a bit gross and chuck it out. But I was very pleasantly surprised!


We went into the locker room and started stripping, talking crap. My heart was really racing and I wondered if he'd figure it out. I mist have looked so guilty!
My cock was threatening to give me away too as I could feel it getting hard as I stood there naked while he striped and got his towel from his locker.


I thought he hadn't noticed the mag as we walked toward the showers and I wondered if I should point it out or whether that would be too obvious. So I figured I'd wait until we'd left the showers and if he still didn't see it then I'd mention it.
But thankfully he did!
He grabbed it and made some really crude remarks about a guy jerking off in the locker room, mentioned that maybe it was Colin (the youngest guy in the place who cleans the lockers during the day).


I leaned over his shoulder and watched as he flicked through the mag. Feeling my cock hardening and my heart now really threatening to jump out of my chest!


He threw it back down on the bench and said something about throwing it out after our shower. And I knew it was then or never. I grabbed it, saying I wanted a look too.


I sat on the bench, dropping my towel next to me. Steve sat beside me. My cock was now rigid under the mag as I sat there, and we flicked through the mag.
Secretly I was paying attention to his cock as it became harder. His dick is quite curved, and this was really obvious now he was getting hard. It's one of those dicks that curves downward, and as I watched it from the corer of my eye I saw it twitching as it rose up from his thighs and the foreskin started easing back to show the red lips of his cock head.


I could feel my own cock tapping at back of the mag, and I decided I'd take another leap and start stroking a little.
I lifted the mag and commented about my boner, and he laughed and openly pointed out how hard he was too. I started stroking my cock, pulling my foreskin back, openly displaying my cock for him as I tried to hold the mag so he could see everything.
He copied my movements and I got to see his dick in its completely hard state, with the thick vein across the top of his shaft.
It was really slow and we kept talking about the mag as we sat there stroking.


I don't know why, but it was the most erotic thing I've ever done. And I've done some pretty erotic shit in my time!


We both stroked, watching each other and looking through the mag, until he said he had to cum and went to go somewhere (I don't know where he was planning on going, I guess the toilets).
I told him I was going to cum, but that I would clean it up. I don't know why I said that, probably because he was stood there right in front of me, still stroking his long curved cock and about to leave because he had to come somewhere else!


That was it for me. I watched him stroking, he was at my eye-level, I watched his foreskin sliding back and forth over his shiny cock head slick with precum, and I couldn't hold off any longer. I fired off, watching my cum spurt into the air in front of me, almost hitting my chin. I came a lot, more than I usually do, and as I did Steve began firing too, thick and heavy, but not shooting like I was. I could see his thigh muscles tensed and shaking as the white cum dribbled from the tip of his cock where the folds of foreskin bunched up.

We waited a few moments as the climax subsided, and then we both cleaned our cum off the tiled floor and headed off to the shower.


That was it. An incredible event that has simply changed my life!


I'm now working on arranging a night when we can both watch some porn together, and I've decided I really want to get my hands on that thick curved dick of his!"

The Cock Column - "Shower Erections"

Received by email:

"I'm straight, 27, and I'm engaged to be married.
I've never messed around with another guy before, but I did wank with a mate a few times when I was in my teens. Nothing mutual, just in the same room while we watched porn. I didn't even pay attention to his dick.


Life was great until about three months ago. I work for a Gym and started in admin part-time. It was a great opportunity because I was a member there anyway. I work out about three times a week so it seemed perfect to take the job when it was offered. But three months ago one of the Gym guys left and I was asked to fill in because I know the place well and have done a little mentoring before.


It was another great opportunity, it meant a pay rise, more hours and getting to work out during the day while helping other guys meet their goals too.


I've become really good mates with a guy I work with, Steve. We knew each other anyway of course, but since working on the floor we've become really good mates and we go out for a drink every week and he comes over now and then too.
He has a really hot Girlfriend who gets on really well with my fiance.
Every day at work he's responsible for locking up, and we usually have a good workout when the place is empty. Then we go and have a shower before leaving.


Like I say, I'm engaged and I've never done anything with another guy, but I really look forward to that shower at the end of the shift. I've never really had an interest in cock, other than occasionally enjoying it in straight porn. But Steve is really hung and I can't help staring!
As soon as we get into the locker room and he's stripping off I find myself watching him and literally gawking at his dick. It's not a foot long or anything, I'd guess about 8 inches. He's uncut like me, and while my dick is darker and the skin rougher, his is really pale and totally smooth, It's actually really nice to look at. He has really low balls too, and he shaves them (I've seen him do it!)


Every time we have a shower I feel myself getting hard and stealing glimpses of his dick while we're talking, and I have to face away from him most of the time and think of nasty shit to keep my dick down.
The main thing is that I've seen him get semi-hard almost every time too. I've caught him looking at my dick a few times.
I'm totally confused about what this means. And I don't know what I should do."


I say it quite often, labels are not what they're cracked up to be. Human sexuality is nowhere hear as simple as the three labels.

Guys often get semi-hard in showers and locker rooms, especially after a workout. Even the straightest men get it now and then and it can have little to do with being around other cock. It's probably more to do with the physical exertion and being in the prime physical condition to breed. But, it's also very true that MOST MEN regardless of sexuality, check out other cock when they have the chance. It's a fetish thing, or a comparison thing, or maybe just a taboo thing. Whatever the reason, blokes often look at cock when they strip around each other.

I think the fact that you describe his dick in the way you have shows that your interest is more than just comparison and your arousal more than just physical exertion. You don't say what you'd like from this friendship, but as you've explained that you used to wank with a friend as a teenager, I'd suggest you've let slip that this is something you'd be interested in with him.

It all depends what you want.
If you want to see his dick up-close, want to wank with him, see him cum, or even stroke it for him, all of this is possible with the right attitude and slow progress.
You're already over the first hurdle; you are comfortable being naked (and semi-hard) around each other.
If you want to move this on, I'd suggest that a great way to do it would be to use porn as an entry into some sexual sharing. The next time you're alone at work and about to have your workout, sneak off and place a porn mag on the locker room floor, somewhere not in plain view but somewhere he'll notice, as though a guy has dropped it from his bag. If you're really worried about it being too obvious, buy a cheap bag and fill it with random stuff including a porn mag or two, and leave that in the locker room for your mate to find. He'll think some guy has just forgotten it, and you'll look inside to find a porn mag.

I highly doubt any red-blooded guy would pass up the chance to have a wanking session over some "discovered" porn. The fact that you're so comfortable around each other already is a good sign, and I fully expect that once he's found that porn, he'll be hard and stroking in seconds, and you'll join him.

If you're not hoping to have a wanking buddy friendship with him, there's not much else you can do that you're not already doing. If you're worried about getting hard in front of him in the shower, either try to overcome it the way you have been or simply avoid the showers. If you do, you may find you lose a friend as he'll probably take this sudden distance personally.

There's nothing to be confused about. Just know that the labels are wrong. You can be heterosexual in every other respect and have a fascination for cock. You can have a wife/girlfriend and still have wanking sessions with other guys just for fun, as a bonding thing, competition or just a laugh. It doesn't change who you are, and it certainly doesn't make you any different from the majority of men, only you are willing to abandon the false labels in order to enjoy life as much as possible.

Let me know how this goes!

If you would like advice or you have an issue to explore please email me at luke@b8m8network.com


The B8M8 Network is supported by BlokeToys.co.uk - UK Supplier of Fleshlight, Fleshjack and hundreds of other Sex Toys dedicated to men!

The Cock Column - "How do I turn a straight buddy into a wank buddy?"

I spoke, and you answered!
I did say that if you would like me to offer my thoughts on any dilemma, I'd gladly oblige. And here we are already. Good times!
And this is probably one of the most common situations I think I could ever discuss... Great opportunity.

The following was received by email (luke@bloketoys.co.uk - thanks to Conran of BlokeToys for setting this up for me!)

"I'm 24, bisexual and out. I love cock, but I don't like the gay scene. I have very little interest in anal sex, and all gay guys want is to fuck me, or me fuck them. I can't stand gay clubs. The music, the pretentious attitude, the fakery... I'm good in a pub.
It's so hard to find other guys who are interested in cock, but don't expect anal.
And that brings me to my best mate.
He's straight (although I think he's more bi than he's wiling to admit). He's married, butch and rugged. And the hottest guy I ever met! He drives me crazy. He knows I'm Bi and he seems to have no problem with that at all. But he makes comments now and then about wanking and says things that don't make much sense for a straight guy. Example: he'll say something derogatory or demanding and I'll respond with "suck my fat one" and he'll immediately say "get it out then". He told me once that he wanked with other guys years ago. Last year he told me that his (then) Girlfriend had given him permission to explore with other guys. How the hell did they get onto that discussion?


In my mind he's trying to tell me he's interested in some limited cock play.
What do you think, and what do you think I should do about it?"

This is so common it's unreal.
And for a start, when he says "get it out then" I would! It's perfect. It allows you to seem daring, brave and open, and it gives him what he wants: a look at another guys dick!
First off, you're not alone in hating the gay scene. There are millions of us out there who love cock and hate the idea of the labels and all the trappings that come with them. You don't have to live by those rules, but occasionally you might have to delve into that world to satisfy some needs. I'm sorry to say it, but most people are ignorant about male sexuality, they adhere to the three labels as if they're religious doctrine, and they believe that you have to play by those stereotypes too.
And, anal play can be fun. I'm not suggesting you have to accept a cock up there, but there are anal toys that will find your prostate and please you immensely. So don't give up on the idea entirely, because to do so you'd be missing out on some immense orgasms. You don't have to like anal sex with a guy to appreciate your prostate, but I almost guarantee that once you've had an anal toy designed for the purpose up there and pleasuring your prostate you'll be hooked - on toys at least.
Back to your mate...
The guy knows your Bi, and he's making suggestive statements to get your interest. Basically, when he's horny and he has no other options, he's testing the waters to see if there's some action open to him. It's the idea that does it for him.
Then when his missus is around he has no need for a fantasy because his sexual needs are already satiated. Rest assured that he's horny for cock though. He doesn't understand it any more than the millions of others out there who neglect to notice that the labels are man-made.
Nature doesn't adhere to man-made labels and categories.

He has a desire to see cock. Possibly to touch it. Maybe even to suck it. He just doesn't understand how this can fit into his heterosexuality as decided by society. The fact is that it can, and it does for millions of men. It's a fetish, a small deviation from what we commonly accept. It could be driven by competition, a fetish for cock itself, a fetish for masturbation, a fetish for cum... who knows. No one is so simple as to be solely attracted to only the restricted attributes and accepted ideas suited to any sexual label. We all have quirks, and a fetish for cock and wanking is probably up there with the fetish for big boobs and lesbian action. It's just not accepted as a suitable fetish for heterosexual men.

What can you do about it?
First and foremost; if this guy is a really close friend that you couldn't do without, tread very carefully. Make sure that before you try anything you know that you could stop if you had to. By that I mean you shouldn't go into this expecting things to be limited to your imaginings. What if you fell in love? What if he did?
You need to make sure that you could take this to a point and then be sensible if things don't work out the way you then want them to.
I started wanking with a close straight friend a few years ago, and we work well still because we don't expect anything from each other. I'm happy to see him go home to his partner after we've had a great wanking session and I don't feel sad about it. We're best mates, and I love him as a friend. Could you do that? Even if you end up feeling more for him?
If you're sure you can separate your sexual friendship from an emotional tie then go for it.
He clearly has sporadic interest in cock, so with a little careful timing you could indeed turn this guy into a regular wank buddy.

Here is what I'd do...

Suggest a blokes trip. Summer is around the corner so book a festival or just a camping trip. It seems he has a high sex drive, so a day away from the missus and he'll probably be close to climbing the walls for some action. Have plenty of beer around. Not hard for a blokes camping trip. Have porn handy; it helps that you're bi, you'll need straight porn to get off to with your buddy. A good starter is some adult playing cards!
Then you need to create the scenario and see his response.
Think creatively to make a scenario happen...
If I was camping with a straight mate I'd suggest playing cards one night. Have a few beers and let him enjoy the pussy on the cards for a while.
I'd make sure he's closer to my tent than I am, then suggest he put some music on. But you've left the CD player in your tent. Ask him to retrieve it.
But oops! You've "accidentally" left your hardcore porn mag just laying there in the open.

If he's a little drunk (not too drunk mind you), he'll probably either bring the mag out with him, which gives you both a chance to move things onto wanking, or he'll pretend he didn't see it and probably ask to borrow it later.
If he does the latter, you need to stand your ground and be brave, and suggest you share it.

The other option is that he'll ignore the mag, ignore the porn, ignore any opportunities and retreat to his tent later to beat-off alone. If that's the case you're probably never likely to wank with the guy.

The most important thing is not to remind him at all about sexuality. Never mention sexuality to a straight guy you're hoping to wank with. Ever.
It's the Grim Reaper of Mutual Masturbation. It will immediately kill any chance you have of getting anywhere with him. Discussions about bisexuality, curiosity, or stigma will only remind him that what he wants to do with a guy is not conducive to what society expects of a heterosexual male.

The other option, and one less likely to succeed, is that you invite him over for a beer and casually suggest that he choose a film to watch, all the while knowing you've left a porn DVD in the player. Make an excuse and leave the room while he "discovers" your porn, and judge his response. While it's a common method, it might not work if he's had no time away from the missus.

Incidentally, I have another close male heterosexual friend I'd love to turn into a wank buddy. And we are going to Download Festival in June, so I'm planning my scenario.
It might work out, it might not. There really are plenty of fish in the sea.

To increase your chances of finding a guy to wank with, visit the B8M8 Network, there are now over 400 members on there, gay, bi and straight, looking for other guys to share a good wank with.

Please update us when you've attempted to get your straight guy wanking with you. I'd love to know what worked and how it all happened. I'm sure readers would too.

Readers: If you have a question or dilemma, let me know as luke@bloketoys.co.uk, and I'll try me hardest to offer some words of wisdom.