I did say that if you would like me to offer my thoughts on any dilemma, I'd gladly oblige. And here we are already. Good times!
And this is probably one of the most common situations I think I could ever discuss... Great opportunity.
The following was received by email (luke@bloketoys.co.uk - thanks to Conran of BlokeToys for setting this up for me!)
"I'm 24, bisexual and out. I love cock, but I don't like the gay scene. I have very little interest in anal sex, and all gay guys want is to fuck me, or me fuck them. I can't stand gay clubs. The music, the pretentious attitude, the fakery... I'm good in a pub.
It's so hard to find other guys who are interested in cock, but don't expect anal.
And that brings me to my best mate.
He's straight (although I think he's more bi than he's wiling to admit). He's married, butch and rugged. And the hottest guy I ever met! He drives me crazy. He knows I'm Bi and he seems to have no problem with that at all. But he makes comments now and then about wanking and says things that don't make much sense for a straight guy. Example: he'll say something derogatory or demanding and I'll respond with "suck my fat one" and he'll immediately say "get it out then". He told me once that he wanked with other guys years ago. Last year he told me that his (then) Girlfriend had given him permission to explore with other guys. How the hell did they get onto that discussion?
In my mind he's trying to tell me he's interested in some limited cock play.
What do you think, and what do you think I should do about it?"
This is so common it's unreal.
And for a start, when he says "get it out then" I would! It's perfect. It allows you to seem daring, brave and open, and it gives him what he wants: a look at another guys dick!
First off, you're not alone in hating the gay scene. There are millions of us out there who love cock and hate the idea of the labels and all the trappings that come with them. You don't have to live by those rules, but occasionally you might have to delve into that world to satisfy some needs. I'm sorry to say it, but most people are ignorant about male sexuality, they adhere to the three labels as if they're religious doctrine, and they believe that you have to play by those stereotypes too.
And, anal play can be fun. I'm not suggesting you have to accept a cock up there, but there are anal toys that will find your prostate and please you immensely. So don't give up on the idea entirely, because to do so you'd be missing out on some immense orgasms. You don't have to like anal sex with a guy to appreciate your prostate, but I almost guarantee that once you've had an anal toy designed for the purpose up there and pleasuring your prostate you'll be hooked - on toys at least.
Back to your mate...
The guy knows your Bi, and he's making suggestive statements to get your interest. Basically, when he's horny and he has no other options, he's testing the waters to see if there's some action open to him. It's the idea that does it for him.
Then when his missus is around he has no need for a fantasy because his sexual needs are already satiated. Rest assured that he's horny for cock though. He doesn't understand it any more than the millions of others out there who neglect to notice that the labels are man-made.
Nature doesn't adhere to man-made labels and categories.
He has a desire to see cock. Possibly to touch it. Maybe even to suck it. He just doesn't understand how this can fit into his heterosexuality as decided by society. The fact is that it can, and it does for millions of men. It's a fetish, a small deviation from what we commonly accept. It could be driven by competition, a fetish for cock itself, a fetish for masturbation, a fetish for cum... who knows. No one is so simple as to be solely attracted to only the restricted attributes and accepted ideas suited to any sexual label. We all have quirks, and a fetish for cock and wanking is probably up there with the fetish for big boobs and lesbian action. It's just not accepted as a suitable fetish for heterosexual men.
What can you do about it?
First and foremost; if this guy is a really close friend that you couldn't do without, tread very carefully. Make sure that before you try anything you know that you could stop if you had to. By that I mean you shouldn't go into this expecting things to be limited to your imaginings. What if you fell in love? What if he did?
You need to make sure that you could take this to a point and then be sensible if things don't work out the way you then want them to.
I started wanking with a close straight friend a few years ago, and we work well still because we don't expect anything from each other. I'm happy to see him go home to his partner after we've had a great wanking session and I don't feel sad about it. We're best mates, and I love him as a friend. Could you do that? Even if you end up feeling more for him?
If you're sure you can separate your sexual friendship from an emotional tie then go for it.
He clearly has sporadic interest in cock, so with a little careful timing you could indeed turn this guy into a regular wank buddy.
Here is what I'd do...
Suggest a blokes trip. Summer is around the corner so book a festival or just a camping trip. It seems he has a high sex drive, so a day away from the missus and he'll probably be close to climbing the walls for some action. Have plenty of beer around. Not hard for a blokes camping trip. Have porn handy; it helps that you're bi, you'll need straight porn to get off to with your buddy. A good starter is some adult playing cards!
Then you need to create the scenario and see his response.
Think creatively to make a scenario happen...
If I was camping with a straight mate I'd suggest playing cards one night. Have a few beers and let him enjoy the pussy on the cards for a while.
I'd make sure he's closer to my tent than I am, then suggest he put some music on. But you've left the CD player in your tent. Ask him to retrieve it.
But oops! You've "accidentally" left your hardcore porn mag just laying there in the open.
If he's a little drunk (not too drunk mind you), he'll probably either bring the mag out with him, which gives you both a chance to move things onto wanking, or he'll pretend he didn't see it and probably ask to borrow it later.
If he does the latter, you need to stand your ground and be brave, and suggest you share it.
The other option is that he'll ignore the mag, ignore the porn, ignore any opportunities and retreat to his tent later to beat-off alone. If that's the case you're probably never likely to wank with the guy.
The most important thing is not to remind him at all about sexuality. Never mention sexuality to a straight guy you're hoping to wank with. Ever.
It's the Grim Reaper of Mutual Masturbation. It will immediately kill any chance you have of getting anywhere with him. Discussions about bisexuality, curiosity, or stigma will only remind him that what he wants to do with a guy is not conducive to what society expects of a heterosexual male.
The other option, and one less likely to succeed, is that you invite him over for a beer and casually suggest that he choose a film to watch, all the while knowing you've left a porn DVD in the player. Make an excuse and leave the room while he "discovers" your porn, and judge his response. While it's a common method, it might not work if he's had no time away from the missus.
Incidentally, I have another close male heterosexual friend I'd love to turn into a wank buddy. And we are going to Download Festival in June, so I'm planning my scenario.
It might work out, it might not. There really are plenty of fish in the sea.
To increase your chances of finding a guy to wank with, visit the B8M8 Network, there are now over 400 members on there, gay, bi and straight, looking for other guys to share a good wank with.
Please update us when you've attempted to get your straight guy wanking with you. I'd love to know what worked and how it all happened. I'm sure readers would too.
Readers: If you have a question or dilemma, let me know as luke@bloketoys.co.uk, and I'll try me hardest to offer some words of wisdom.
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